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Raising Emotionally Intelligent Children

I've heard it said that real maturity is the ability to hold your tongue when you're mad. There may be some truth there. Let's explore the world of emotions.


Dealing With Emotions

Firstly, let's take a minute to break this down. What are emotions? Why do we have them? Emotions are information. They can provide useful insight--when they aren't getting in the way. Our emotions are trying to communicate something to us, and the best way to deal with them is to figure out that message. Once we understand where our emotions are coming from, it's easier to know what to do with them and how much power to give them. Watch the video below to learn more about emotions.

As adults, we can learn how to deal with our emotions by learning to recognize them and then developing healthy methods of working through them. However, this can be much more difficult for children. So how do we help them?


Acknowledging Emotions

The first thing to do is to acknowledge that your child has emotions that are very real to them. Younger children will benefit from you helping them to identify those emotions. As they get older, you can dig deeper into helping them understand why they're having emotions. Finally, you can help them learn to manage their emotions.

The important thing is validation. No matter how old you are, it can be very comforting to know that your emotions are real and that they do make sense. Our emotions may grow more complex as we get older, but so can our capacity to understand them.

Developing Healthy Coping Habits

From the terrible twos to the dreaded teenage years, children are known for their moodiness when going through major brain changes. Learn more about brain development in teenagers here:


It's important to help children not only to know what they're feeling and why but also how to deal with it. This does not mean forcing your child to do something or demanding they calm down. For young children, offering a simple choice can help them with their mood immensely. For example, you might ask if they want to walk to the car or be carried after playing at the park. Even if they are upset because they want to keep playing, this helps them to maintain a sense of control.

Older children can start developing their own patterns that they can take with them into adulthood. If you have a teenager who struggles with anxiety, work with them to develop a list of things that are soothing. Then, when they are upset, they can turn to their list to find something that will help them calm down. You can apply this same concept to a number of situations and feelings. Help them create a plan of action.

Being proactive in emotional management can also help reduce addictions. Many children try to self-medicate through technology, unhealthy eating habits, and sometimes substance abuse. If you work with them to develop other coping techniques, you can help prevent these behaviors. Lastly, don't be afraid to seek guidance from professionals. Some teenagers may benefit from further help from counselors or therapists.

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